What I mean to say is...

Sometimes I know exactly what I'm talking about, and it makes perfect sense to me...but the person on the other side of the conversation is left in the dark. It's not because of my superior mental prowess or due to my extensive and scholarly learning. No, no. It's because I mean something completely different from what I'm saying.

One time I got into an argument with my brother Daniel about snow leopards. I was trying to explain to him that they live in Antarctica, eat little penguins and they are really, really scary. He said he was pretty sure they lived in the Himalayas and don't swim much at all. "No, you're wrong!" I told him until I was blue in the face. "I read a book about them, and haven't you seen Happy Feet?" I contended. (Just so you know I can be particularly pugnacious when I know/think I am right about something. So can he.) I knew I was right: They can be up to 14 feet long, they are lethal in the water but retarded on land, they sometimes eat people and attack through the ice. I held my ground until he pulled up a picture of a snow leopard on the internet.

OH. Maybe I meant leopard seal.

This also happened once when I was explaining to someone that capital punishment is still legal in Indiana schools.

Of course, what I meant to say is corporal punishment!

What I mean to say is...it will never hurt my feelings if you ask for clarification when I say something completely crazy. Chances are I meant something else.